Survival Tactics

I have to connect vehicles to and from work since my work place and where I live are on opposite ends of town. Where I alight in town and where I board the connecting vehicle are not near each other, it takes me almost 15 minutes to cover this walk. Initially, I used to get so tired at the thought of the distance, but now am used to it.

Sometimes there are vehicles headed where am going that come much closer to pick up passengers from undesignated places. I am usually tempted to board these ones, although I rarely do since if either the cops or kanjo catch you inside one of them, your final destination will be the police station. So I normally just avoid them and take my matts from the designated places.

Nevertheless, there are those days when I just can’t resist it. I take the chance and board at the wrong places. I have never been caught, until one Thursday morning when everything changed.
I was a bit late so I decided to just take this vehicle that was picking passengers up as it went. Eventually, it filled up and we were on our way.

After a few minutes, we got to a round about where there were a number of cops waiting. The next thing we know, the tout was opening the door of the mat.
“Haiya! Kumekujwo” he exclaimed
In a flash, he jumped out of the vehicle and disappeared among the crowds on the side of the road. 

We were left in shock. In the next instant, a cop materialized next to our vehicle and had the passenger seated in front to shift to the back so he could sit next to the driver.

“Twende police station” he instructed the driver who complied.

I was horrified. I knew if we got to the police station we were going to be charged and I’d have to pay not less than ten thousand shillings. I had heard tales of what used to happen to guys who were unfortunate to be caught. I didn’t want the same to happen to me. I had to think fast!

When we got to a junction I made a decision. I was going to jump out when traffic slowed. This was the only chance I had to save my ass. 

“Driver wacha nidondoke, nimefika mahali naenda” I shouted at the driver since there was no conductor.
That was a blatant lie since the police station was on the opposite side of the route where the matatu plied.
“Hakuna mtu kushuka mpaka tufike police station” the policeman retorted.
“Lakini nimekazwa sana na mkojo, nataka nitafute choo” I whined.
There were a few muffled giggles. I didn’t care, I had to get out. Let them laugh, till they learn they had to part with 10k. Before the junction opened, I opened the door and leaped out before the cop could do anything. 

He tried to shout, calling me back but I took off at a run. I dodged the vehicles on the road till I got to the other side and kept running.
When I was sure I was safe, I slowed down to a walk and started laughing hysterically. People were looking at me like I’d gone crazy but I didn’t care. I was elated. In my mind, I had achieved an impossible feat- I had outwitted a Kenyan cop :-)